The power of connection
Community is powerful, are you in community right now?
Not everyone has the good fortune to have friends that surround them, hold them up when they’re down and remind them of their strengths and their challenges. Friends who can see the long view of YOU and remind you of the good things that came from what you deem your dunderheaded moves.
Jim Rohn (one of those ‘empowerment, entrepreneur, change your attitude and your world will change’ motivational speakers ubiquitous in the 90s) said you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. (I’m paraphrasing)
My early mentors loved to spout this so-called fact as a way to get people to invest thousands of dollars on their small group mentoring programs - reminding potential candidates, “if you surround yourself with other people with high-achieving mindsets, you’ll achieve more.”
Now that I look back, it feels so ‘ugh’ and I’m not gonna lie, I kind of see how America has ended up pointing fingers at each other in 2025. I never met Rohn so I don’t know if this was his intention or not.
I’m off track, but will keep going.
FRIENDS.
We all need them.
Especially now. In times where our concentration is shredded and our ability to hold conversations feels fragmented at best.
For those of us in the second half of our lives (or so we hope) friends are life lines - and, sometimes incredibly hard to find.
My clients, colleagues and casual acquaintances spend a great deal of time bemoaning the isolation they feel in their 50s and 60s and even 70s. After years of working, shuttling kids to and from games and recitals and practices, and holding down related volunteer positions, we find ourselves without a tether. The friends we made and the people we worked alongside have scattered. Either to the great beyond, or a distant geographic locale - often under the guise of “retirement” or caring for aging parents.
The aftermath of all this upheaval can feel depressing.
Not necessarily the clinical depression we, hopefully, understand more than we did when we were kids in the 70s and 80s. No, the depressing feeling of wondering “what’s next?” without an alarm dredging us from slumber to work a job, that while maybe not satisfying, somehow lent purpose to our days.
Friends.
How do you make them at this stage of your life?
Some of these ideas you can lean into at any time - whether you’re still working and in your hometown of 50 years and some are those you can try on that day you wake up and wonder, “is this all there is?”
I’ll state the obvious first, volunteer. Is there a cause you feel strongly connected to? Whether it’s finding homes for abandoned dogs and cats, rallying around transgender humans, or upholding the beauty of your community, there is a group that can use you. Unlike a full-time job, you can try a few organizations out and commit to a month or two before you go gung-ho. Some organizations need volunteers for a day (arts fairs, fun runs, homebuilding with your local Habitat for Humanity) and some can use you on a more regular basis (literacy mentoring, equine therapy, walking dogs at the shelter).
When you volunteer for a cause you deeply believe in, you’ll meet others who share your common values and commitments. You’ll often meet people from different walks of life, in different age groups, genders and religious persuasions - yet they all are committed to making this particular part of the world a little better. Friendships are easy to form while chatting during each event you participate in.
Akin to volunteering, hobbies are highly recommended. I recently heard a statistic that one of the factors that contribute to a happy retirement is a commitment to 3 or more serious hobbies -whether it’s travel, writing, boat building or cross-stitch - a hobby that you can dive into can also help you build a social life around that topic. Maybe you were a knitter in college and now want to revisit that skill. Perhaps you’ve always studied how your ancestors planted and tended a farm plot for their own sustenance? No matter the hobby, there are other people as fascinated as you are - find them in your community. You can head to your local library for information or even do an online search of groups in your area. Attend some gatherings, be open to being yourself and meeting new people and see what unfold.
Adjacent to hobbies are new interests - things that spark your curiosity. Wonder what that bird is that keeps showing up in the yard, digging into the leaves? Look into it, and if possible, head to your local wild bird feed store to learn more about the species and what makes them special. Maybe you’re curious about Ancient Greece and Mesopotamia or are interested in learning more about the Reformation? All these topics are ripe for a dive down the rabbit hole of learning. And while it’s appealing to sit at home at your keyboard to answer your questions, challenge yourself to find ways to go out in the “wild” to find your answers. Head to a lecture or talk by a local or visiting expert, explore your community college course list to see if there’s a class you can take our audit, or simply ask your new friends (from volunteering and hobbies) if they know anything about the topic you’re diving into.
What your recommendations for making friends in a new community (or even one where find yourself the last friend standing?)
UPCOMING
We’ll be having our first community chat on February 23rd. (Sunday) at 2pm Eastern time.
Next month (march - omg!) we’ll have our first pragmatic palmistry group meeting. If you want in, reply to this email or comment below.
As always you are appreciated. You are wiser than you know. You are a bright light in the gray times.
Thanks for being you,
Peg
I appreciate the idea of heading out into the community to find answers instead of googling them! That’s one I hadn’t thought of and will put in my toolbox.
I might add, it seems that few people are willing to be the ones that host meetups, plan get togethers, or extend an invitation. Sometimes - many times - if it’s community that you’re looking for you have to be the one knocking on doors:)